Sunday, March 27, 2011

Week 29: What I have in common with the bumble bee

Like a giant stuffed olive on a toothpick, I have waddled into the third trimester. 

Biology, on the other hand, had given women the ability to be hugely pregnant and stand up at the same time.  To flaunt my biological prowess vs. that of ClayWanda's Daddy, there is a simple experiment I hope to try:

First, you need a chair with arms (such a kitchen table chair).  Place this chair a couple of inches away from a wall.  Then have the woman stand in front of the chair with her feet about 2-3 feet from the wall, bend over so that the top of the head is against the wall.  Then, with the head still against the wall, pick up the chair by its arms.  Once the chair has been lifted ask the woman to stand up -- rotating at the hips and keeping the legs straight.

Men, no matter how mighty, shouldn't be able to do this.  And not just because we gals give up booze during gestation.  

Please post your results in the comments.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Week 28: Divine Cream

Blobby Layne and I have had a relatively quiet week which included puttering around the house, going to work and getting the garden ready for the season.  I wear giant gardening gloves and take precautions when rooting around in the dirt but it has been gratifying to see my perennials come back this Spring.

Without a doubt our favorite activity has been eating ice cream every day.  I have been lactose intolerant most of my adult life and fairly crippled by the thought of a grilled cheese sandwich, but now I don't just tolerate dairy treats, I downright crave them. Instead of stomach pain I now get Blobby jumping up and down on my bladder with joy.

In even better news I went to the doctor this week, and I was congratulated as I have gained only 15 pounds, and judging by the way my clothes still fit everywhere else, its all in my belly. I have had no trouble getting around and am thinking about skipping the flower gardening this season and going to get a dairy cow.  

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Week 27: Sorry, no, I'm just a fattie.

Blobby Layne and I are at the 6 month mark!
The kiddo and I went shopping this afternoon and there are a bunch of really cute spring dresses on the racks. As I can't properly see myself until we take the picture for the post each Sunday, I thought it would be a great idea to try on something stretchy.  I managed to get one dress on and realized, really for the first time, just HOW BIG I AM. In perfect comedic timing I got punched from the inside, as if to punctuate the joke of me getting into anything that needs to be zipped up. Ba-dum-pah.

I don't mind getting pummeled from the inside. I do, however, have a dislike of getting touched and prodded from the outside.  Now that there is little denying that I am pregnant people take my protruding middle as an invitation to touch me.  Tattooed and pregnant? Doubly so... if you can't rub my Buddha-belly, why not grab me by the arm and make a joke about me having a tattooed baby? It would be so clever of you.

If my mama taught me one thing, it was this: Keep Your Comments To Yourself.  And your mitts.

Your comments, though are always welcome here. Especially if they contain good comebacks.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Week 26: Me and My Shadow

This week ClayWanda and I:
  • Went to Richmond to see the Picasso exhibit at the VMFA, 
  • We ate delicious Indian food, 
  • Watched the Banksy documentary about street art Exit Through the Gift shop, 
  • Had our eyes examined and and an old filling replaced, 
  • Made clam chowder, and
  • Got a sweet new Motorhead hoodie (Annie sized) from ClayWanda's Daddy who went to NC for the show this weekend. It zips all the way over the belly!
I say we, even though I am capable of doing all of these things all by myself, but ClayWanda  provides a lot of support and reminds me frequently that I am in good company, mostly by punching me in the spine at regular intervals. I am Not Alone.